ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
