are you so shy because you have an std?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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