you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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