oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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