woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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