He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
