currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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