i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
