Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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