Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
