You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
