I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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