I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
