i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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