Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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