i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
