Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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