I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
