Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
