Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
