I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
