feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
