Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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