Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
