Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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