Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
