i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
