There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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