Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
