i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
