dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
