I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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