White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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