already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
