just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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