We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
