You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
