i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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