and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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