Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm both gender and math confused
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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