You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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