So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you will always have a special place in my vag
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
