I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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