Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
