i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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