just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
