I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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