no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
