he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
