the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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